Bleach Dreams
by Nanashi XIII
Summary: Dreams I have had ivolving Bleach characters. Random yaoi, crack & non-crack pairings, & GrimmjowxUlquiorra in most chapters. Not even kissing though that may change & will change summary. If you think any would make good fics will attempt to expand
1. Chapter 1

AN- This first chapter is what was previously called Cake and was posted as a oneshot. Next chapter starts new stuff.

Disclaimer- I do not own Bleach. However I do own myself, my bed, paper, and multiple pens (This will make more sense after you read the story).

Original AN- Er, yeah. So this is a dream that I had that I thought I would share because it is completely ridiculous. That's why it is present tense and from a first person point of view.

I run into my culinary class a few seconds short of being late. I see Grimmjow sitting on the counter and jump up beside him. The teacher starts the lecture and demonstrates how to make a cake. I am only halfway paying attention because watching Grimmjow get bored and start to fidget is more entertaining, plus I have been able to make cake for years. After about ten minutes he gets up and creeps around the corner. I wonder for a second how no one notices him as he is not exactly easy to miss what with his hair being blue and all. I shrug it off and attempt to pay attention to what really is a very boring lesson.

A few minutes later I hear crashing and cursing from the direction he went and decide to investigate. I get up and walk around the corner. A flour-covered Grimmjow is glaring at what looks like a three-tier cake sculpted out of Bisquick sitting in a surprisingly evenly spread layer of flour on the floor. I am more interested in why the non-cake is covered in scorch marks and kind of soggy than why it is just sitting in the middle of the floor with no pan or anything.

Ulquiorra randomly appears behind him and whacks him in the head with an Introduction to Culinary Arts textbook. "You are not supposed to cook a cake by dumping boiling water on it or by shooting ceros at it. Stupid trash."

Grimmjow grabs his head where Ulquiorra just hit it and glares at him. "Fine then! Let's see you make one!"

Ulquiorra shrugs and walks over to the counter where all of the necessary items and ingredients are already laid out. Five seconds and a lot of blurriness later he puts the cake pan in the oven.

Grimmjow stares at him in shock. "How the hell did you do that!"

"I read the recipe."

"What the fuck is a recipe?"

"You would know if you paid attention in class."

-Is this more than you bargained for yet? I've been dying to tell you anything you wanna hear 'cause that's just who I am this week-

Ulqyuiorra looks up at the cieling and then at me. "It appears that we are out of time." He grabs Grimmjow's ear and starts dragging him to the door.

"Oi, what the fuck! That hurts! Get off of me! And we can't leave yet, we haven't had any cake!"

The room starts to fade out. The last thing I see is Ulquiorra looking at me over his shoulder. "We'll see you next time trash."

I sit up in my bed and reach for my phone to turn the alarm off. "What. The Fuck. Was that." I reach for paper and a pen...

AN- The lyrics are from Sugar We're Goin Down by Fallout Boy. If I have any more weird dreams like this would anyone be interested in me posting them? Oh, and ya know what you should do? You should go read my other story Espada's Pets if you haven't already and review with ideas for the names of the pets. Why? Because I have no idea and today is my Birthday.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I do not on Bleach. I do however own myself. I think that the owner of dreams is still being disputed somewhere, but since my muse(s) controls my dreams and he (they) has (have) grudgingly submitted to me, I shall claim them as well.

AN- So these are all going to be dreams that I had. Or really parts of dreams that I had. Most of my dreams are really long and make very little sense. Also, an explanation for why I haven't posted recently- I had finals; then I had the graduation test; then my mom caught my stepfather with his girlfriend, so being the firstborn I had to take care of my sister and make sure my mother did not do anything stupid; they are getting a divorce; they divided stuff up; then we had the most ridiculously fast move ever- we signed the lease Tuesday and moved in by Saturday; we had no AC until yesterday so mom kicked us out for the past week so we would die of heat exhaustion or something; and the internet here sucks. All of this within less than a month.

* * *

><p>Hospital cafeteria lines suck. I do not know why I am even getting food here, as it tastes even worse that school food. I watch the line inch forward for a minute, then glance over to where Nnoitra, Shinji, Grimmjow, and Ulquiorra are sitting. I kind of wonder where Szayel and Starrk went...<p>

A thought bubble appears above my head.

-entering Nanashi's thought bubble-

Starrk has Szayel pinned up against a shelf in a storage closet. Both of his hands are somewhere under Szayels shirt. He appears to be searching for Szayel's tonsils with his tongue. Szayel has one hand up the back of Starrk's shirt and the other twined in his hair. He appears to be helping Starrk find his tonsils by using his tongue to guide Starrk's.

-exiting Nanashi's thought bubble-

_Yeah, that's probably what's happening. _I nod to myself mentally so no one will think I am crazy. By this time I finally have my food, so I walk over and sit between Nnoitra and Shinji. Shinji glares at me for separating him from his Nnoitra. Nnoitra sneers at me, annoyed that I separated him from his Shinji. "Bout time ya finally got over here, bitch."

"Shut up Bandana Boy, it's not my fault that the line is really fuckin' slow."

-scene shifts to something completely unrelated that Nanashi will not bore you with-

5 scene shifts later...

I wake up, stretch a bit, and laugh at how loudly my back pops. It is around three o'clock in the morning. I leave my bedroom and walk down the hall to the bathroom.

There is something weird about the bathroom. There are large bugs that look like mosquitos covering every surface. The walls are a seething mass of black and gray. I stare at them for a moment, not concerned in the least that I am surrounded by insects. In my house. Where they should not be. I shoo some out of the sink and wash my hands. I look around again, wonder what exactly they are, and then head to the kitchen.

I pause in the dining room with a feeling that I am being watched. I look over into the living room. Jyuushiro, Shunsui, Toshirou, Renji, Byakuya, Yoruichi, and Urahara are all staring at me. Byakuya is the only one not on one of the black leather couches. He is standing quite randomly in the middle of the room. None of the lights are on. I stare back for a minute. "So... why exactly are you in my living room?"

Byakuya is the one to answer. He sounds kind of confused. "I... do not know."

We stare at each other for a minute. He blinks and turns to open a Senkaimon. Everyone else gets up and files through it after him. I turn around and go back to bed.

* * *

><p>AN-...So parts of that last bit weren't really a dream. I woke up that morning and there really were giant mosquito-looking bugs in my bathroom. I should have expected that, because usually when I am dreaming, my house never looks like my house and my room rarely looks like my room. I sleepwalk, so I'm guessing I went to get some water or something and my eyes were open, so dream became reality and reality became dream.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Grimmjow skidded around the corner and slammed into one of the many white walls of Las Noches. He dove for the little demon he was chasing, intent on shredding it, and ran into something. This something, which was really a someone, pulled Grimmjow off of the floor by his throat and slammed him into the wall. The someone, who happened to be Kenpachi, looked extremely ticked off. "What tha fuck do ya think yer doin ta my dog?"

Grimmjow pointed angrily at the puppy cringing behind Kenpachi's foot. "That _thing_ just shredded all of my clothes, ate all of my food, and peed on my bed!"

"...It's a dog. They do that."

"I don't care! I'm gonna kill it!"

A wicked smirk crossed Kenpachi's face. "I have an idea."

Grimmjow struggled to free himself from Kenpachi's grip. "I don't give a fuck what your idea is! Put me the fuck down so I can kill it!"

Kenpachi dropped Grimmjow, who happened to be in his resureccion form, and yanked his tail. "Shut up an' listen!" Grimmjow fell to his knees, clutching his throat and coughing.

Ulquiorra appeared, an expression of concern looking out of place on his face. "Why is Grimmjow coughing?"

Szayel appeared and unrolled an extremely inaccurate chart of the feline circulatory system, with a random blob for a heart in about the right place and a single line running from the heart up through the head, down into the legs, back through the tail, and to the other side of the heart- it looked as if someone had poorly sketched the outline of a cat in black and then drawn an outline of the basic shape inside of it in red. "Well, if you look here," he pointed at the tail on the chart, "you can see that the tail is very intimately connected to the circulatory system. The tail being pulled would disrupt the circulatory system. Because of Grimmjow's feline-ness, his circulatory system works the same way. That is why he is coughing."

Ulquiorra nodded to show his understanding.

Kenpachi, who had also listened to the explanation, started talking to Grimmjow again. "Anyway, you and the mutt are goin' ta have a contest. The first one ta make it through the training room wins." he walked over to a wall and put his hand on one of those palm-scanner things. The door opened, revealing an underground desert similar to the one in Urahara's basement, minus the sky being painted on the roof and a section with seemingly randomly placed columns packed tightly together.

Grimmjow and the puppy stood at the door, ready to run for it. Kenpachi shot a random gun that looked suspiciously like a military grade sniper rifle as the starting signal. They both took off towards the door on the other side of the room.

The first obstacle turned out to be dozens of simulated shinigami. Most ignored the harmless puppy and attacked Grimmjow instead. The few that did acknowledge the puppy stopped to pet it. They all had the insignia for the fourth squad somewhere on their uniforms. After a few minutes, Grimmjow was panting and had a few scratches here and there, but all of the shinigami were in bloody heaps on the floor. He glared at the puppy for a second and then took off again, the puppy running a bit behind him.

Next was the columns. Grimmjow had an extremely hard time finding a way to fit through, while the puppy easily ran between them. He finally just used a cero to blow them out of the way. He stared at the long open expanse before him and then glared at the puppy sitting at his side again. '_I've been through this room before, there are no more obstacles now. Just running. There's no way it can keep up with me.'_

They both took off at the same time. The puppy quickly fell behind. Grimmjow was about a fourth of the way across when the room filled with hollows ranging from low-level to vasto lordes. He snarled as he hit them head on and started to fight them. An hour later, the all the hollows were dead. He was covered in blood, his clothes were tattered, and he was almost to the door. He limped through it and collapsed just on the other side, just to look up and see the puppy running ahead of him to Kenpachi's feet. His face fell and tears of frustration (_it_ won), embarrassment (he was beaten by a damned _puppy_), and pain welled in his eyes.

Ulquiorra knelt by Grimmjow and brushed the hair out of his face. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up. You can stay with me until your room is fixed."

"...Really?"

"Yep."

"...Promise?"

"Yep."

"...You won't change your mind and kick me out in the middle of the night?"

Ulquiorra sighed and pulled Grimmjow's arm around his shoulders so he could pull him up and help him walk. "No." He started helping /dragging/carrying him down the hall.

"...Even if I snore or something?"

"No."

Grimmjow smiled... and passed out. Ulquiorra sighed again and carried him the rest of the way to his room.


	4. Chapter 4

Ichigo kicked the door down and ran inside holding his gun out in front of him (the way any decent cop does during a bust... or how it's done on tv at least) closely followed by Starrk. There were two doors in the first room, so Starrk took the right and Ichigo made his way through the left. The left door happened to open into a short hallway with a small bathroom on the middle-ish left side and a bedroom at the end. He spared a cursory glance into the bathroom before making his way of the bedroom and using his foot to push the door open. The room- a window in the left wall, a window in the wall accross from the door, a queen-sized bed in the corner formed by the wall across from the door and the right wall, and an umbrella poking out from under the bed. There was nothing else in the room (for the sake of the ridiculousness of the scene, the sheets, which happened to be the only thing on the bed, were blue; and the umbrella was the kind where each section of the canopy is a different color).

He reached up and tapped the communicator in his ear to activate it. "He's in here. I think he's under the bed." He bent down and started shooting under the bed. Nnoitra rolled out from under said bed, miraculously uninjured, and jumped out the window, creating an awesome straight-from-a-movie slow motion let's-watch-the-glass-shatter-because-it's-cool scene. Instead of running to the left, which would have carried him _away_ from the nasty police attempting to shoot him, he took a right, which had him pass back in front of the house and towards the squad car that was parked in front of said house.

Ichigo ran to the window in the left wall of the room and watched his anti-progress before speaking into his communicator again. "Shinji, he's headed your way."

"Wha? The fuck! What do I do! He wasn't supposed to come this way!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes at Hirako's idiocy. "Shoot him." The unspoken "duh" at the end of that statement would have been obvious to anyone listening had anyone else been connected in their link.

-insert quick flash of Shinji in the driver's seat of the squad car fumbling with his gun here- "I don't know how to use this thing!"

Ichigo would have rolled his eyes again had he not been attempting to line up a shot. "Quit screwing around"

Shinji gave a very put-upon sigh and a quick "Fine, Ruiner of Fun" before he set off a few rounds in Nnoitra's direction. After Shinji let off his first shot, Ichigo started in from his angle. Even though every shot appeared to connect, Nnoitra was miraculously uninjured again/still, but then he ran into... Nnoitra?

Cop-Nnoitra and Fugitive-Nnoitra stared at each other for a moment before the dreamscape decided that it did not want any paradoxes and Fugitive-Nnoitra became Fugitive-Grimmjow in a wonderful puff of smoke the same color as Grimmjow's hair. The dreamscape then deleted the few seconds that had been spent staring and altered everyone's memories so that there was never a Fugitive-Nnoitra. There was only a Fugitive-Grimmjow and anyone that said otherwise should be shoved in an asylum. Cop-Nnoitra, -cough- excuse me, Nnoitra decked Grimmjow in the face hard enough to knock him out. The last he saw before everything faded out was Nnoitra whacking Shinji and Ichigo on the back of their respective heads. "This was a capture mission, idiots! Ya weren't supposed ta shoot him!"

Flash three houses down and two days later to the sidewalk beside the house on the corner. Note the "beside" there, people- if you walk from where the squad car had been parked ya have ta make a left turn ta get ta where I'm talkin about. There is a hole in the sidewalk. Also the sidewalk seems rather wide for a sidewalk. This is probably because the dreamscape is attempting to accomodate the five foot wide seven foot long hole in said sidewalk. This hole is four feet deep at the lowest point (it kind of gently slopes down to it for a few feet from one of the five-foot sides, and there is a three-foot underwater mini-cliff leading up to the foot-deep ledge at the other five-foot side). It seems to be lined with a kind of gray brick, but in a staggered sort of way- like someone had lined up a bunch of bricks all standing on one of there shorter sides and the pushed them forward to form a set of deformed mini-stairs. The hole also happens to be filled with water. The water is surprisingly clean and clear. This clarity could be a good thing or a bad thing, but probably a good thing if you take a look at who happens to be in the water. Assuming the viewer stands with his/her back to the house the first part of the dream took place in, Hitsugaya and Ichigo are seated in the left side of the hole (the sloping side) with Ichigo being the one closest to the road (which actually appears to be several yards away). Grimmjow is sitting with his legs tucked into his chest, arms loosely wrapped around them and has his chin on his knees. He actually looks rather depresssed. Szayel is closet to the road on his side, with Starrk next to him and Nnoitra closest to the viewer. And here we switch back to past tense because the poor dreamer is sleepy and no longer wishes to deal with present tense (and it will end this monster paragraph).

Hitsugaya frowned at Szayel. "He's not a pet and we are not babysitting. We are watching him until the commander gets back to us to tell us where to take him."

"But I'm _bored._ And it won't damage him. Probably."

"No."

"Nnoitra, tell him to let me use Grimmjow."

Nnoitra leaned forward to see around the sleeping Starrk gave him a glare that conveyed something to the effect of 'shut tha fuck up already ya know no one is going to let you.' "No. We are supposed to deliver him unharmed."

"It isn't going to hapen anytime soon."

Everyone turned to look at Grimmjow in shock. Ichigo, because this was the first time he had spoken to the others, and everyone else because to their knowledge, he had not spoken since they captured him. Because he was more used to it than the others, Ichigo was the first to respond.

"Why?"

"I made a deal with the four guards. If I get sent back, there are hitmen already set up to kill them." With that surprising bit of information, Grimmjow stood up and walked back to the house (which the dreamscape had conveniently swapped with the house on the corner).

Ichigo started to go after him, but then blushed and sat back down upon remembering he was naked. Even though it wasn't really that big of a deal because all of them were naked. And were acting like this was a completely normal occurence that should not bother anyone. Then again, Nnoitra was a huge pervert so Ichigo stood up again, but this time he grabbed Hitsugaya by the back of the neck and held him out in front of himself as a shield. He ignored Hitsugaya's death threats and struggling, glared at Nnoitra and walked sideways towards the house until he got close enough. Then he dropped Hitsugaya and ran for it.

Szayel cocked an eyebrow and turned to Nnoitra. "You groped him again, didn't you."

"Did not!"

"That wasn't a question."

* * *

><p>AN- This chapter almost doubles the length of this story... That it has been too long since I updated... RL is trying to kill me at the moment. (Think custody issues with my half-sister and her adopted father while she is getting back in touch with her real father, moving, custody arrangement change with my father, my mother rapidly falling into insanity after this last divorce, on top of finals. Not fun. And that wasn't even a tenth of it.) My laptop has decided that it does not want to charge anymore in addition to all of the human drama, which is annoying because the desktop computer I have access to does not have Word on it. For those that post stuff on here, ya know how in the doc manager you can edit documents? I just erased everything in one of them and wrote this in that. If anyone sees any mistakes in this, it is nine in the morning, I haven't been to sleep yet, and I'm dyslexic (the more tired I am the worse it is sometimes, and today is one of those days). Leave a review with what and where it is and I'll fix it.<p>

My other stories that I said I would update forever ago- soon. Ish. Hopefully my life is done imploding for now.


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